I'd argue but it's... (musehouserules) wrote,
I'd argue but it's...
musehouserules

Title: Stay
Author: FeeferJ
Fandom: Star Trek XI
Characters: Kirk, Joanna McCoy, The Enterprise.
Disclaimer: They aren't mine and I'm broke. This is just for fun and not profit. Please don't sue.
Rating: R
Summary: Song here.

She knows she’ll never be the only one in his life. She’ll never hold all of him because he’s the Captain. A damn good one at that. His crew will always take priority over everything else and she’s alright with that. The good of the many outweighs the good of the few. That very same crew is one she’s sworn to serve and mend whenever they come back bloodied and broken. It’s something she understands.

She also knows she’s not the only woman in his life. No, if she’s honest, she’s nothing more than a mistress. The Enterprise is the woman that owns Jim’s heart. Still, even knowing all that, even accepting it, doesn’t mean that she never feels jealous or lonely. There are times when he crawls into her bed exhausted and weary that she wants to plead with him, beg him to let it all go for just a little while. The weight of the galaxy rides on his shoulders and the desire to help carry that burden is strong. It’s rare that he ever really talks about the things that bother him though because he’s so busy internalizing in some misguided effort to protect her.

Those are the times that she both loves him and hates him. Joanna doesn’t need his protection, and she certainly doesn’t want him to shut himself off from her. That had been the very thing that spelled ruin for her parents’ marriage. She’ll be damned if she allows herself to fall into that same trap. It’s why she coaxes the words out of him, says the things she knows he needs to hear, and gives him the things that he either doesn’t think to ask for or is too afraid to.

The day will come when there’s more to his life, maybe their life, than this. Sometimes she says as much and other times she lets the words die because he gives her that look that begs Not tonight. Those are the times when she crawls into his lap and pushes him against the mattress. They don’t need words for the physical, not when their bodies know this dance by heart. She long ago took the time to map out every line and curve of muscle, every freckle and scar and spot that makes him gasp when her lips brush against it.

She uses her body to heal the hurts that aren’t physical, lets him use her to get what he needs when nothing else works. Afterwards she’ll ask him to stay and he’ll pull her against him before falling asleep. And one day, if that day ever comes, he’ll stop trying to run from what she’s offering and she won’t have to say the word (Stay) because he just will. For now she’ll simply content herself with the way of things; he’ll be gone when she wakes up, gold shirt on, cock sure grin in place, and giving everything he has to the woman that makes up his world-- even if it kills him, and her in the process.

And if she ever let's you go,
we both know what you'll be needin'.
And if you need somewhere to rest,
somewhere to lay your head,
you'll know where to find me.

Tags: fandom: star trek, pairing:kirk/joanna, what: drabble
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